End

The story should conclude here. Or should I say, it’s just a chapter?

They said that parting has always been such sweet sorrow, I don’t exactly recall if it was. I remember saying in one entry here before that I am to end talking to you here. But our paths still cross and I still have feelings for you.

I think I still do hold that thought. I will never take the credit off you on the times I almost gave up and that you’re the first person I think of running to. Or when I am happy, I’d like to share my joys with you. Togetherness and rejection seemed to be long-lost twins that I seemed to reconnect every time I remember you now.

You’ll be one of those men that will haunt me. Take the credit, I considered you a ‘man’.

So, this is it. When they said that don’t say goodbye, I am not saying it to you. As much as I wanted to, I’m sure we are still to see each other, and avoiding you will just hurt me more and haunt me more. Let’s just say I am ending me foolishness on you. Kill the hopes that you will like me the way I like you. Care for me as much I am concern and cares for you. My idiocy had to stop. For my sake.

I’ll see you around. Most likely every Tuesday or whatever day we will go visit and present in your office. We’ll still greet each other, give each other’s a peck on the cheek for “hellos” and “goodbyes”. I might be less to join your group’s get-together or the planned outings. I will miss Anne and Tina. I will miss you too, of course but this has to end.

Thank you, “Yan-Yan”.

Affected

I have postponed entering this event that really is bothering me again. Do you really have such ideology or habit to make ladies jealous by inviting and flirting to another lady and worst when they are friends?

If you have forgotten that I was sitting at the back seat and then you flirt with Stephanie.

Wow.

Then you tell me I’m “masungit”.

If we are not that desperate that night to get out of that mall, I wouldn’t suggest to Stephanie to contact you and ask for that favor to fetch us.

We should really stay FAR apart. You really felt you are different ever since you got your own car, you got your own place and you don’t talk to me anymore unless nobody’s talking to you in the office. You only remember me when you need something.

I am always the last resort.

It really hurts me so bad.

Upset

I can’t think straight.

Yes. Until now, I thought I am to stop blogging here. I thought not being “concern” about you and avoiding you would help me move on.

I thought I’m ok now… that I’m over you.

Until you are in that company and that company is our client, our paths will surely cross.

Why would you announce to the world that you’re to bring Stephanie home. Half the world know that I like you. I was there. And with that squinted eyes, I feel and I know you are checking my reaction.

Are you intentionally annoying me? Making me jealous? Because for all it’s worth… I am.

Then I later found out, you asked her out for the Transformers movie.

I am affected.

Exhaling...

I had to drop off a mock up for one company in your office this morning. I decided to make it earlier to really avoid you. Unfortunately, you were early too. You caught me by the guard.

As always, you ask what am I doing there with a morning greeting and the peck on the cheek. The usual greeting.

Or was it your usual "'Musta?" (How are you?)

I'm not sure... I was lost the moment you entered the gate...

No word, no SMS or even YM from you and with my pledge of not to have any personal business with you for almost 2 weeks now... and this happens.

Undeniably, my heart still bleeds...

Ouch.

Let Me Be

Absences makes the heart go founder…

Could that be true? I guess. It was for me, to you waaaaayyyy back then. Thank God I am too busy to think of it or of you these days plus your office creates issues (again) against my team.

Honestly, my doubts to you seemed to spread like a disease these days. I can’t help and defend you from it… you are part of that office setup.

I don’t YM you nor SMS you. I gave up asking you for a cup of coffee or if you’d like to join me for dinner. I don’t ever consider ANY of our going out a date. Just to clear things out. You treated me once, I treated you more often just to say how grateful I am and I believe it's a way of returning back the favor of eating your time and listening to my rants and raves.

It is unavoidable not to see you at least once a week. As mentioned before, you’re part of the client’s office we are serving. Tension is created between that office and my team. Lesser get together after office and if no more beso greetings, its lessen.

I avoided greeting you and even eye contacts with you as much as possible.

Weird as it may seem. It’s a way for me to move on.

Then you SMS me. Asking for my teammate's number. Are you making me jealous again? Well, it doesn’t work anymore.

And then, you YM-ed me, asking if our phone line is down… and concern if we (the team) are down with some virus.

There was very little “kilig” and more of “inis”… am I always the keeper when all are down or unable to reach?

I am tired of being the third wheel!

I still expect from you... and yet I am the one getting hurt.

If you miss me or want to have a cup of coffee or something, just say so. I know, you have a car now... I have to admit that I felt bad when I was the last to know that you already accomplished one of your goals. I'm just disappointed that you never offered me a lift when I was a little drunk from that "salubong" we did for our friend's birthday.

Let me be... don't talk to me if you must but don't let me catch you glancing at me and yet you don't speak up.

Ranting...

I am staring in my computer screen… with a smoke in my other hand. My second stick. I still have sooo much in mind to tell you and yet, I can’t transcribe it into words.

Questions I’ve been asking before again and again and again… why do I always [try to] run to you?

We are being ridicule again. Not me directly but my team. And it is not alien to you.

I am affected. I should care anymore. I should even think of you as an “enemy” for you are part of the other side. But still here I am talking to you in a blog that you never really read or even know existed.

I tried to run to your rescue. Rescue in the sense of not directly solving the problem. I just want to vent, let it out… and just be with you? As if it would remove all this anger in me.

As if… well… temporarily.

It’s the same old litany. And I am sick and tired… perhaps you too…

Third stick…

… that’s why you are making excuses?

Here I go again. Being suspicious and all… but still I chase after you in the hopes that we can still go out like before?

I am such a fool.

You Did What…?

You just winked!

Not just now but the past meetings we had after that YM conversation with you…

I’m denying it back then, thinking I might be hallucinating or overacting, but for the 3rd time? My goodness…

Eiw!

I was grossed out instead of getting, how do you call that? That nice shivers… 'yung kilig factor... basta…

What is the matter with you? Are you tripping out?! Please not on me naman.