Ranting...

I am staring in my computer screen… with a smoke in my other hand. My second stick. I still have sooo much in mind to tell you and yet, I can’t transcribe it into words.

Questions I’ve been asking before again and again and again… why do I always [try to] run to you?

We are being ridicule again. Not me directly but my team. And it is not alien to you.

I am affected. I should care anymore. I should even think of you as an “enemy” for you are part of the other side. But still here I am talking to you in a blog that you never really read or even know existed.

I tried to run to your rescue. Rescue in the sense of not directly solving the problem. I just want to vent, let it out… and just be with you? As if it would remove all this anger in me.

As if… well… temporarily.

It’s the same old litany. And I am sick and tired… perhaps you too…

Third stick…

… that’s why you are making excuses?

Here I go again. Being suspicious and all… but still I chase after you in the hopes that we can still go out like before?

I am such a fool.