Persistence and my VBF

It’s me again.

It’s already morning (officially). I just came in from seeing you and Anne*.

Despite the fact that I felt my boss-friend and/or a colleague forbids me to see you the thought of being with you again made me smile. And make me hope that we’d really would.

I asked you last Friday (the 13th) over YM if you’d like to go out.

You said you already had plans…

Shocks.

I thought so. That is what I’m afraid of.

Earlier that day. My VBF or virtual boyfriend and I are talking over YM too. He’s my “virtual” boyfriend not because we haven’t seen each other. It’s just that we knew we couldn’t be officially committed, as in a relationship. He’s gay. It just so happened that we are college’s buddies and he introduces me to his family and friends as his VGF (virtual girlfriend) and proclaiming that if he’s not gay he could have courted me and I could have been his girlfriend. At first I am confused whether it was an insult to me because I thought he pities me that why he said that but come to think of it, gay men has high standards in terms of beauty and if they like you, they really like you.

Can you imagine a little me clapping upon realizing that?

Well, to cut it short, he (my VBF) tells me not to bother thinking that about the “hindrance”. If I really like you, I should tell you straight front.

Gulp. Very gay principle… and I admire them for that!

Tell you right in the face? You know why I can’t, right? Me girl, you boy? (Why am I talking bedrock here!?)

Aside from the fact that I won’t be bothering him about you, his reason is for me to get it over with. Tell you how I really feel and demand an answer right then and there. If you like me too well and good, perhaps time for you to move. If you don’t, I should drop you andmove on.

I can’t get to be with you ALONE and he wants me to profess my feelings? Well, I did remember one Saturday we went to this shopping mall because I asked you if I can come along.

I considered that move (asking) a great deal for me. Whew!

I paid the cab. You paid for the food. Can that be considered a date despite the fact that all we talk about is work… and… ah, work?

While on my way home after that meeting, it made me think. And decided to drop that thought of you and me.

But you kept on popping up! Because you are sooooo cute when you smile and laugh!

As one song tells me…

There’s a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend.
There’s a fine, fine line between reality and pretend….
There’s a fine, fine line between a fairytale and a lie…
There’s a fine, fine line between you’re wonderful and goodbye.
I guess if someone doesn’t love you back it isn’t such a crime.
BUT there’s a fine, fine line between love and a waste of your time.

Ok. Half of me tells to drop you… but the other half says not to.