After Thoughts

Why is it that just thinking of you makes me relieved?

Hahaha. Perhaps I should give you a codename… hmmm… aspirin. Too 1980’s! :p

My day of isolation as my gift to self still hasn’t occurred. I got sick on the eve of my birthday and though the doctor told me NOT to take any alcohol until my antibiotics are done. What the hell? I WANT to go out.

I deserve some getaway from the office and the usual people I am with I wanted to go out and have a breather, even for just a few hours. Was planning for sometime to go out alone, by myself in a bar or coffee shop… perhaps I was never brought up with such ideology of that sense of adventure. I asked a few of your new officemates that seemed promising and sensible enough to talk to and be with to join me last Friday. Initial plan was dinner, no beers but when you said you’ll join us… I hailed for beer!

Work is still the topic. People they hate in your office. These newbies seemed to share the same sentiments with you. Funny how *Pancho dishes the other team. As you’ve said, thanks to that team we won’t have any topic to talk about over beer.

I wonder if you talk about me when I’m not around…

I lost count on how many beers I took. Well, I intentionally didn’t count it. Drank it directly from the bottle. I find it weird that it tasted different drinking that way than from a glass with ice. It was faster to finish drinking from the bottle.

Or was it, just because I was not talking much?

We parted ways from the group a little past midnight––quite early to end the night, I thought. I was ready to spent a little more time alone in a coffee shop to let the alcohol die down first. But you seemed to get the cue. You joined me for a couple or more hours.

I am happy then. Very.

You have this way of making people open up and talk. It was your skill, no! A talent if I may say so. You shared your thoughts on a new disturbance I am having again in regards to my work and your colleagues.

It seemed that I don’t need to say it anymore. You always knew what is bothering. I’m glad you knew me somehow but at the same time I am a bit in doubt of myself. Am I too transparent that you see through me that easy? And that you knew that I like you. I wish you’re not taking advantage of that. And I hope you are not like that to me because you’re not drunk, I can tell but you still have the influence of beer. You admittedly told me that you are not that talkative if you didn’t have a drink or two.

I sensed sincerity on your voice. In every word you say, you mean it. I hope I am right this time.

Shocks! I am staring at you too much, don’t I? Sorry *blushing*

I will be very careful. I’ll take you’re advise. I try to open this up with Myles but he seems not into it. I mean, I too have a little hesitation of telling him details of what we are talking about. I am torn with work and personal intentions. Am I making sense here? Geesh…

Honestly, I am a little confused. I am in doubt, that’s why I am a bit reserve and quiet. I don’t know if you are talking to me as if psyching me, in who’s favor? Mine or yours? I am a doubtful person specially to those men that I like or sensed that I do like them.

I don’t want to be their toy. I don’t want to be your toy for power trip.

I just wish next time we have a chance of going out like that, just the two of us we won’t be talking about work anymore. Perhaps that’s one reason for me to know you more. I know, we are both somehow testing the grounds. I do like you. Just in this entry how may times have I told you that? Hahaha!

Still finishing my meds by the way.