Caught Off Guard

It’s Saturday. And I’m still at Joseph’s house. Everyone here are quite busy. I think they’ll be going out for a mall show for the kids.

Had my breakfast with them. Lazy as I am on weekends, still I dragged myself up. I knew I still have a few errands to do and confirm an external project to fund my “holiday” expenses.

Guess by this time you are still sleeping. You said you are attending a stag party in this place known for beer and women that grant “wishes”. I, too have a date with my VBF for a chat and dinner. Told you if you’d like you can drop by after. You politely said you’ll try but you haven’t seen these guys for quite sometime but you’ll try. Told you to just drop me an SMS if your coming.

Politely you declined. Yes, I do read between the lines.

Let’s review… who knew that I do really like you: Peaches, Jose (of course), Riza, Anne and Rai. Though Joseph and Stephanie seemed to be sensing something… they’re starting to tease me *blushing*

Of course, I mentioned you again (and again) over dinner with my VBF. I told him I told Rai about my feelings for you and that I like you. You’ve met him/her before. My transvestite friend. He disapproved of you :( He said they better men out there for me, yada… yada… yada…

I knew this was coming.

And Jose agrees.

WHAT? This I didn’t see coming.

I thought…

I dwelled on this. He said there was something about you… and then tells me on getting ready, etc. etc… disappointments…

Well, one, I knew (but still had to accept FULLY) that you won’t be mine, MINE. That this letters I am doing are just for me to release my feelings. And secondly, I’m used to being disappointed in the end… and…

Oh…

Now, I remember. So that’s why Jose is pushing me to tell you straight up! To get it done and over with. Same thought with Anne and Peaches. But the girls, they understand the risk and how hard it would be. But…

Darn it!

I wasn’t able to defend you. Jose asked, to tell him an incident that you are to be trusted. There were lots of it… the time you are to resign, the time I hated Mai* for ruining our birthday celebration, the time I was to resign, our talks over coffee… you have this “skill” of making people speak up and me as one of them to open up and I think you are opening up somehow…

I was struck and numbed… now, I had to question myself? Is it worth it?