Realization

I couldn’t help it. I had to talk to someone…

I called Pancho.

Told him everything… first guy, younger than us to learn about me being into you. Shit.

Let’s make this short and sweet… one thing struck me with all the things he said: I should NOT tell you. From a point of view of a man… situation will be awkward.

True enough.

My plan was that he’ll be somehow helping me know how you definitely feel for Eunice. Learning if you two are having some mutual understanding, then I will definitely ummm… be happy for you two? No, selfishly, I’d know my stand and will not pursue. Because Eunice is a person that “fights”, and I’m not the type.

Why?

Comes my next realization that Pancho and I share: Reputation. I came from me too, as he said it… I may not be the most beautiful or the sexiest woman you’d ever knew but I have a name to protect and will be keeping it that way for as long as I live. I may have the ideology of a “manang” or an old-fashion Filipina that won’t surprise anyone if I’d stay single till I die because of that ideology… but that’s how I believe I am and would be hard for me to change it. Because I wasn’t raised to be other than that.

But Pancho, backed off. He doesn’t want to be involved as I understand it. But his words stayed to me and realized a lot. I mean, thank God I talked to him or else I may have regretted something that is remorseful!

“Go with the flow. Don’t rush. There will always be someone for somebody… in due time.”

Sigh. If I could only argue with him on that statement… but… sigh.

Pancho, being young himself seemed to be wiser for his age. But there’s one thing I was kind of confused… one of his initial statements… something like “different perception” or something like that…

I like hugging this kid… gentle giant as he is. Like a little brother I never had ;)